I know your secrets….
Category: funny

I know your secrets….

A little bit of a release…

Don’t worry, the secrets are always

safe…..

 

I know you haven’t told you’r wife about the boat you bought. I know your 14 year old son stole your lube and that you horrified him by telling him what you use it for! I know you hate your best friend’s husband and rightfully so.  I know your pubes are now in the shape of a lightening bolt. I know your husband thinks you quit smoking a few years ago. I know that you like to play movies in your head that pair perfectly with every song you hear. I know you are a hypochondriac and i know you don’t know this yet.I know you have been battling an eating disorder for 15 years and your family still doesn’t talk about  it.  I know you have a co-worker that picks their nose and eats it! I know that you are gay.  I know that you have a very serious disease. I know that you cried yourself to sleep last night. I know that you are pregnant!! I know that you think you have a mental illness. I know that you are being bullied at work  I know that you are planning a surprise birthday party! I know that you just got your nipples pierced. I know that you are a very strong person and you just don’t know it yet.  I know are secretly eat meat. I know that you were arrested when you were a teenager. I know all about your hilarious fetish. I know that you keep our appointments a huge secret and I have to  pretend to be your mommy-workout buddy if you see anyone you know. I know you LOVE the smell of your own farts. I know that your brother is the favorite. I know that you need to get over your fear of other people I know that you just got a boob job I know that you are a hacker. I know that you don’t have a license for three months because of a DUI I know that you smoke weed only build up the motivation to clean the house. I know that you had a breast cancer scare. I know that your having a problem getting it up.  I know that you can’t do #2 anywhere with other people around.  I know that your sibling has an addiction problem. I know that you egged your neighbors house because they are raciest.  I know that you pee yourself every time you jump and I know that if you don’t do your fucking kegel’s its never going to stop.  I know sold your VERY expensive (ex)wedding ring and spent all the money pampering yourself.  I know that you are planning on a career change. I know that you haven’t had sex in a long long time. I know that you have an irrational fear of  snails.